Man Up: Don’t Do It, Ladies

In my quasi-controversial piece about women and their “Compliment Quota,” I made the boldly adorable claim that I don’t care what women wear. And for the most part, I stand by that. How a girl dresses is pretty low on my priority list.

Having said that, there are certain women’s clothing items that I just can’t get on board with. Some of them are annoying. Some of them I just don’t get. Whatever the case may be, here is some of my least favorite “womenswear:”

(Oh, and yes, I did just refer to myself as boldly adorable).

Uggs.

Look. I get it. I hate shoes too. And I’m certainly not going to sit here and say Uggs don’t look comfy. They’re like pillows for your feet. But let’s be completely honest here, they look kind of stupid. Plus, all you’re doing is perpetuating the stereotype that all Minnesotans are Eskimos. And we’re not. Leave that shit to Alaska.

Giant, face-encompassing sunglasses.

Why? I just want to know why? I understand the desire to block out the sun. U/V protection is fantastic. But why do you need a pair that takes up 90% of your face? Plus, they make you look like an alien or bug. Right, Nicole Richie?

Dressing slutty.

Slutty girls are not attractive. I’m not just saying that to make me sound good either. It’s true. If 90 percent of your boobs are hanging out and I can see your thong, I assure you I am not titillated. (Pun intended). There should be a level of mystery and class to how you dress. You’re not making yourself more attractive by showing off as much skin as possible. I promise you that.

Sweatpants in public.

I really, really hope you aren’t just reading the bullet points and moving on, because I need to explain this one.

I like when girls wear sweatpants. I actually think sweatpants can be kind of sexy – when you’re lounging around at home and just want to be comfortable. In that case, I am very much in favor of them. You should be comfortable and confident enough to wear sweatpants and know you still look good. The problem is, some girls wear them ALL the time. Not okay. If you’re planning on doing anything beyond just running a couple quick errands, put on a pair of jeans. Is that really too much to ask?

And don’t get me started on the girls who wear sweatpants to class EVERY day in college. Sometimes? Fine. But every single day? Come on now.

Anything Lady Gaga wears.

Yes, I realize this one is unfair because nobody else dresses like that, but still. Yeesh. Has anybody ever looked at a picture of Gaga and thought, “Wow, she looks good?” The answer is, of course, no. She always looks terrible. I mean she wore a meat dress once…

Your turn, readers. What do you think? Guys, are there certain things women wear that just make you say WTF? Ladies, am I just an ass? Holla at yo boy in the comments, or email me at [email protected]